Breaking the Silence: Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse in Dorset

Today (Wednesday, 4 November) marks Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Day, a day dedicated to breaking the silence surrounding male victims of domestic abuse and highlighting the support that is available.

In Dorset, I commission The Mankind Initiative, a charity which provides expert support to male victims. The initiative states that one in every five men will become a victim of domestic abuse at some point in their lifetime (4.3 million) meaning that 40% of all victims disclosing domestic abuse are male.

This could be anyone, your friend, your brother, a neighbour, or a loved one and unfortunately, abuse can come in many forms including:

• Psychological and emotional
• Physical or sexual abuse
• Violent or threatening behaviour
• Controlling or coercive behaviour
• Economic abuse
• Tech abuse

Two survivors have bravely shared their stories to let others know that they are not alone and help is available.

Jon contacted the ManKind Initiative after speaking to his local service provider. He had been in a relationship for around 15 years and had two children with his ex-wife.

Jon had endured years of controlling and coercive behaviour, been isolated from his family and friends, experienced incidents of physical violence and financially abused. However, he finally left the family home after she had accused him of being abusive.

He didn’t recognise a lot of the abuse initially but in time he started realising how bad things had been.

After he left, his contact with his children was restricted. He spent years going through the Family Court, being alienated from his children and facing numerous false allegations, some of which resulted in him being investigated by the police.

Jon is now in a much better position. He has completed the ACORN Recovery Programme with ManKind Initiative and with the support of the team he is now in a safe and healthy relationship. His children are living with him full time and he is no longer having to live with abuse.

Sam has also shared his story; he was referred to the ManKind Initiative by his support worker from a male refuge that he was living at after fleeing abuse from his partner.

Sam had initially moved to a different part of the country to be safe but a close friend disclosed his location and he was located.

During the relationship Sam experienced high levels of controlling behaviour, his location was monitored 24/7 and he was not allowed any contact with his family or access to his wages. During his initial meeting with ManKind he disclosed experiencing sexual violence and abuse from his ex-partner. As part of this he reported being drugged on a number of occasions.

Sam was embarrassed and scared that there might be repercussions if his abuser was arrested and was left feeling unable to report the abuse to the police. This also meant that Sam had not been able to access any support in relation to the assaults.

The abuse had massively affected Sam’s mental health and on occasions he felt suicidal.

Sam has since attended the ACORN Recovery Programme funded by Dorset PCC and is now settled in his new home with his dog and is feeling safe and free from abuse.

The ACORN Recovery Programme aims to help victims:

• Break the cycle of isolation and loneliness they experience
• Recognise the impact that domestic abuse has on them and their children
• Move forward with their lives
• Form healthy, respectful and loving relationships in the future

I want every male victim in Dorset to know that support is available and that they will be listened to, believed and treated with dignity and respect. By sharing stories like Jon's and Sam's, we can help break down stigma, encourage people to come forward and show that recovery is possible.

Dorset Police takes all reports of domestic abuse seriously, regardless of who the victim is, and my office will continue to invest in specialist services to ensure that help is available for everyone who needs it.

To find out more about Mankind or to get help, visit: ManKind Initiative - Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse.

David Sidwick,

Dorset Police and Crime Commissioner